A Love Once Lost
by Lily White1
Summary: After one crazy night, Lily and James haven't spoken a word, until suddenly she finds herself on his front step. Will James remember her and everything they had? Or will another girl tear them apart?
1. Prologue

1.1 Prologue  
  
Lily could feel the sadness looming overhead as she spent her last moments in the house she had called her home for the past 5 years. As she took one last glance at each room memories flooded her. She could remember the first time her and James kissed, the first time they went out, the first time they'd fought, the first time they broke up, god it was all too much. Lily felt the tears building up and tried as hard as she could to fight them, James couldn't see her cry.  
  
"Lils? You ok?" She could hear his voice from her parent's bedroom.  
  
"Yeah.. It's just- there's so much I'm leaving. And not just the people and places."  
  
"The memories will always be here waiting for you, so will the people."  
  
"But it won't ever be the same, everything's changed."  
  
"It always will, you know that. Lily you know I'll never leave, that's something you can always count on. Always."  
  
"At least there's something that will never change." She sighed, taking one last long look at her old room and turned to go down the stairs where her parents and friends were waiting. As she hugged Dani, Tanya, Lisa, Amanda, and Maryn the tears she had been holding back for so long finally poured out, and she was sobbing by the time of James' last hug. They both held on like they'd never part, but eventually the time came when they had to and Lily thought she caught a glimpse of tears in his eyes before he turned with his sister and headed home.  
  
The ride was unbearable. Lily didn't want a new home, she didn't want new friends, she didn't want a new life. She had loved the one she had had, but now was too late to do anything about it. If only she were Petunia then she could have stayed and married the man of her dreams. But then Lily was reminded of Petunia's unusually long nose and wondered why she had ever wished she was her sister. She sighed and pulled out her tape player and tapes. This ride was going to be a sad one.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*  
  
How do u guys like this so far? Sound interesting? If u wanna become a beta e-mail me (smartqt05@hotmail.com) ok?


	2. Going back

1 A Love Once Lost  
  
Chapter1: A Return Long Awaited  
  
  
  
  
  
Lily tried to concentrated on the road in front of her, but felt her mind drifting back to what he had said. "Sure you had a chance.. But we were both too young to realize what we had." She felt tears coming to her eyes. If only she hadn't listened to those jerks he had called his friends, then they might still have a chance, but now they didn't. She could feel the tears falling on her cheeks, but she continued on. She could still picture the night she had moved, the tears in her eyes, the tears silently falling from his eyes too. That was the night she had realized she truly loved him. They had both been 17 at the time and now a year later and a world apart she found herself driving back through time to a world she had loved for so long. His world.  
  
Lily never remembered stopping the car or getting out, but somehow she found herself on his front porch drenched and hopeful. Her trembling hand reached out to ring his doorbell three times before she finally managed it. She watched as the door opened, silently praying it was him.  
  
"Lily! What in the world?" He was still the same, the dark hair covering his forehead, his chocolate eyes full of surprise, his muscular but lean form filled the doorway.  
  
"Surprise." Lily managed a small smile despite how terrible she looked and felt.  
  
"You're drenched." He said, pulling her into a hug that she never wanted to end, but it did, "Dani! Bring me a towel and my robe!" He called over his shoulder to his little sister.  
  
"Why don't you get them yourself, you're- LILY!" Lily was again embraced in a hug, "Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I've missed you so."  
  
"I've missed you both more." Lily couldn't control her tears now.  
  
"You must be freezing. I'll get a towel and robe." Dani scowled.  
  
"You aren't my mother you know." Lily called after the 14 year old's back.  
  
"Speaking of mothers, does yours know you're here?" Lily nodded.  
  
"Soaking wet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why didn't you call?"  
  
"I'll tell you later." Lily replied softly, "James?"  
  
"Yeah?" The boy asked, still not taking his eyes off Lily.  
  
"Never mind, I'll ask later."  
  
"What is it."  
  
"Nothing for now." James had since enough to no argue anymore and changed the subject.  
  
"Can you believe we're out of school? I thought Hogwarts would never end"  
  
"I know. but part of me is glad it has." Lily was interrupted by Dani bringing a towel and robe, along with hot chocolate.  
  
"Now go change, before you catch death in those soaking clothes." Lily laughed at her friend's motherly attitude towards her.  
  
"Yes Ma'am." She giggled.  
  
"Dani." James warned.  
  
"It's fine, really, its actually kinda nice, to have someone caring what I do and don't do.. Instead of thinking I'm not ever going to do anything bad no matter what." Lily sighed again and headed to the bathroom to change. She stepped inside and shut the door, as soon as that was done she changed out of her soaking wet clothes into the robe and tried to dry her curly red hair somewhat so that she could do something with it. As she glanced at herself in the mirror she couldn't control the laughter that wracked her body. Laughter for the mascara running down her cheeks and the mussed up hair, laughter for the very thought of ever having James again, laughter because she was too worn out from crying. Once she had gained control of her laughter she straightened her hair the best she could and taking a deep breath walked into the living room where James and Dani were playing video games.  
  
"What will you parents say?" She asked addressing the question she had been wondering about since she had arrived.  
  
James shrugged, "Probably nothing. they know you, its not like you're some stranger I'm gonna sleep with." He grinned, "Unless."  
  
"Don't even think about saying it James Potter!" Lily scolded at the mischievous look on his face.  
  
"You can have my room anyway."  
  
"No, she won't, she'll share with me. We have a ton of catching up to do." Dani grinned  
  
"Sounds good to me." Lily grinned. It felt good to be wanted again, to be loved. Lily knew she would treasure this feeling forever. Of course her mum and dad always told her they loved her, but she never really believed it, not in between the beatings, or the lies and drunkenness. It was a wonder they'd let her even come tonight. She had always been jealous of the love James and Dani received. The constant caring they took for granted. She was even jealous of the overprotecting parents they had.  
  
"Goodie." Dani grinned just as the door opened.  
  
"James, Dani we're- LILY!" James and Dani's mother gasp.  
  
"Hi, Christie." Lily managed another smile despite her bundle of nerves.  
  
"I didn't know you were coming."  
  
"I didn't really either. I'm so sorry for dropping in on you if you want me to leave-"  
  
"No, it's great to see you again. You've been missed." Christie grinned at James who turned bright red along with Lily.  
  
"What do you say that I change into some real clothes and we go rent some movies?" Lily asked turning to Dani.  
  
"Sounds great!" was the answer.  
  
After Lily had changed the two girls headed to get their movies, leaving James alone with his thoughts of why Lily had come.  
  
~*~*~*~


	3. Memories

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A Love Once Lost

Chapter 2: Memories

Lily could still feel his hands on her body, every movement sent and jolt of electricity through her body and she never wanted this to stop. For a brief moment their lips met again and they shared what each had wanted for so long, the other. She cold feel his hot breath as his mouth slowly kissed its way down her body, driving her even more insane than before. God she loved this. Their eyes met this time as he glanced up for her reaction and now she knew tonight was the night. Tonight she'd be with him. As he lowered himself onto her another wave of pure ecstasy wracked her body, but this time she began shaking and somewhere she heard Dani's voice calling her back.

"Lily! Wake up!"

"Wha-what's wrong." Lily's eyes shot open and she could feel herself breathing hard.

"You were breathing really hard and saying James and some other stuff I couldn't make out."

"Oh, that's weird, because I wasn't dreaming." Lily lied while silently scolding herself for even thinking of that night again. Nevertheless, even as she was scolding herself she felt her mind drift back to the endless passion they had shared. God she wished she could have him again.

"OK, as long as you're alright." Dani replied turning back over in her bed, "Night."

"Night." Lily sighed, wasn't it bad enough she had to remember that night when she was awake? Now she was dreaming about it. She shuddered from the thought and closed her eyes again to try and sleep.

~*~*~*

"So…. Lily. What do you wanna do today?" James asked, casually strolling into the bathroom where Lily was putting on her makeup.

"I dunno, what is there to do?" Lily didn't really care as long as she got to spend another day with James.

"Ever been ice skating?" He grinned.

"What are you grinning about?"

"Sirius-"

"No."

"I didn't even finish!"

"All I had to hear was Sirius and ice skating."

"Oh, com'n…. He has his own rink free of people. Please?" James pouted.

"You won't let him pull anything?"

"If he so much as lays a finger on you he'll get his ass kicked."

"Ok, we can go." Lily sighed and gave in.

~*~*~*~

Lily felt James' hands slide around her waist and she shuddered.

"So is my Lily-Billie enjoying herself?"

"I'm not yours you know." _You lost me when you chose to break my heart._ She silently added to herself.

"You are for today." He smiled, skating to a stop in front of Lily, who half wished he'd kiss her, and half wished he'd fall down on his butt. However, as she glanced into the laughing chocolate brown eyes that were staring at her she felt herself get lost once again. James skated close and held Lily tight, neither ever wanting to let the other go.

"Lily I-"

"GO JAMES!" The voice of Sirius Black interrupted the serene moment and James gave Lily a quick kiss before heading to see his friend. Lily skated slowly towards the two, but was soon swept off her feet by Sirius.

"SIRIUS BLACK YOU PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT OR I'LL HEX YOU!" Lily yelled, laughing. Sirius may get on her nerves sometimes, but she knew she couldn't have a better friend.

"But my Lily hasn't come to see me!" He shouted setting her back on the ice, "And when she does, she doesn't even give me a hug."

"Sirius you know I'd never forget you." Lily couldn't help but grin at her best friend and giving him a hug that almost knocked him over. She _had_ missed him.

"That's better." He grinned, "So when do we eat?"

"Sirius it's hardly 10, how can you think about eating?"

"It's 10 already?" Sirius managed to leave as quickly as he had come.

"Alone again." James eyed Lily like a hawk eyes its prey.

"James, I can ask you anything can't I?" Lily raised her eyes slowly and carefully to meet his, as soon as she did James knew what it was she was talking about, and she whispered barely audible "What was that night?"

"Hell, Lily, you think I know? One minute we were joking and the next…." The boy trailed off.

"We were… together." Lily spoke the words as if the were something that hadn't really happened to her, something completely mysterious.

"It was wonderful though." James caught her eye, up until now, something he couldn't bring himself to do.

"And completely insane"

"And perfect"

"And the passion." Lily whispered, feeling his hands slide down her body as she swallowed hard, it couldn't happen again.

"We were wonderful." James whispered back into her neck and she slowly felt his lips brush against her. It sent a chill through her veins, how many times had she wished for his touch, this moment, the moment she knew that they were meant to be.

"Lily, I want you again." He whispered between the caresses his lips were giving her skin.

"I want you too, James.'" She whispered even softer. She wished she could feel his tongue again, so tentatively and yet so forcefully exploring her mouth. He sensed this and slowly kissed his way to her mouth. His lips were against hers and that was all that mattered for now. Slowly they both wanted, and _needed_ more, Lily opened her mouth and slowly began nibbling on the flesh that was James' lips, but even this wasn't enough, they knew what they could accomplish and they wanted it. Now.

"James, we can't, not here." Lily whispered as she felt James' kisses making their way down her all too bare neckline, "Imagine who could see us." Slowly they parted and stared at each other, breathing heavily.

"Did I miss anything?' Sirius skated up beside them, grinning.

"No, we were just racing."

"Who won?"

"James." Lily said at the same moment James said "Lily" both blushed and tore their gaze from each other. But Sirius wasn't a fool. He noticed James' voice was a little huskier than usual, and the light red mark on Lily's neck.

"So it was a tie?" Sirius asked casually raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah." The couple said in unison, both wondering how much Sirius had seen.

"Ah, well mum's fixed us lunch so we'd better eat, K?"

"Yeah, we're coming." James led Lily off the ice and into the attached dining room, neither noticed the knowing sparkle residing in Sirius' eyes.

****

(How do you guys like it? Noticed I changed the rating, because of this chapter, so if you don't like reading R fics then don't read this one. It won't end up being NC-17 though, seeing as I'm only almost 15…… love always, and REVIEW!!!

~Lily)


	4. Joey

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(A/n okay I've only gotten 11 reviews…. Review please! Can you guys give me 25 reviews for this chapter? Please? 

Thanks to ya'll who _did_ review and keep it up!

Disclaimer: I only own the characters and plot you don't see in the books.)

A Love Once Lost

Chapter 3: Joey

"So.. James… what are you and Lil doing tonight? Or am I finally going to get a chance to talk to her?" Dani called from the kitchen where she was cooking dinner.

"I don't know what Lily's doing, but Sirius and I are gonna go to a couple bars." Lily felt as if her heart was being ripped out. Sirius didn't just go to bars… he went and found a girl to bring home for the night.

"Oh?" Lily knew she had to act as if it was nothing unusual… which she reminded herself, it probably wasn't, "And I wasn't invited?"

"I guess you could come if you want… I just didn't think you'd want to."

"Its fine, I was just kidding. Dani and I have a ton to catch up on. Such as the boy that called this afternoon."

"What boy?" James was immediately put on the defensive.

"He's just a guy James. Its not like he's gonna drag me out to the country and rape me."

"Yeah right." James muttered, but gave in.

~*~*~*~

"So, Lily, What have you been up to since you left?" Dani and Lily were sprawled out on the floor in their nightclothes.

"Not much. I applied to be an auror, and I'm still waiting on a answer for that… but otherwise not much has been going on."

"Weren't you singing for a band before you left?"

"Voldermort…" Lily was beginning to fight back tears. The real reason Lily showed up on the Potter's door step wasn't because she had wanted to see them again, but because of what had happened that august night… but Lily wasn't ready to talk about that with anyone.

"Oh… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's fine. You didn't know. So what about this guy that called?"

"Danny's just a friend." Dani blushed a red that rivaled Lily's hair.

"And I haven't slept with your-" Lily caught herself just in time.

"You didn't… No way in hell." Dani's jaw dropped.

"It was purely accidental…… we were both so upset that night and then…."

"I can't believe this!" Lily couldn't tell if Dani was mad at her or not, "You and James… when?"

Lily knew Dani couldn't be too mad at her if she was asking when, "The night after Ty and I broke up. I came over… and he was really upset about Sara, so we started talking and all of a sudden he kissed me…..no, maybe I kissed him…. No, yes. I don't know who kissed who, but it was like we couldn't stop… and then I woke up the next morning in his bed."

"Was it your first time?" Dani barely whispered and Lily burst out laughing.

"You find out that your brother and I-and all you can do is ask whether it was my first time or not! Dani, you are wonderful."

"Well was it?'

"No, there were others before him…. But with him it was different. Someday you'll understand."

"Maybe I do already."

"You aren't!" Lily stopped smiling and widened her eyes at Dani, but this time it was the younger girl's turn to laugh.

"No. I've come close though."

"Dani, just remember that there's only once and you remember it forever…"

"I know. Don't worry, I haven't found the right guy yet. And when I do, I'll make sure you can interrogate him." Dani grinned.

"Good. That's all I ask." Lily grinned back.

~*~*~*~

Lily slipped the shirt she had on over her head and grabbed another to pull on. "Here Dani. I want this one." She called as she tossed the first shirt over the dressing room door. "What do you think about this one?" She stepped into the hallway.

"It's cute on you." An unfamiliar voice said from the other end of the hall and Lily spun around to face a girl about her height with long brown hair.

"Really? You sure because I almost think it makes me look a bit chubby."

"No, it doesn't, really. By the way, I'm Joey."

"I'm Lily."

"So, Lily, are you new here, because I haven't ever seen you before."

"I'm visiting some friends. I used to live near here and I wanted to visit."

"Cool. I wish I could go back home, but there's no one there to go home to. Vold- they were killed in a car crash."

"He killed my family too." Lily whispered.

"You're not a muggle? I could've sworn by the way you dress and-"

"I guess when you live in the muggle world for all your life, you kinda become one."

"Where did you go to school?"

"Hogwarts, what about you?"

"Beaubaxtons. I always wanted to go to Hogwarts instead though. It seemed so wonderful."

"It was. I wish I was there now. Everything was so simple before we left." Lily sighed remember graduation.

~*~*~*~

Lily glanced over to where James stood grinning at their classmates. Lily pulled her gaze from where he stood and forced herself to listen to Professor Dumbledore's graduation speech. It seemed like an eternity before he called her and James to the platform where they were to give their Head of House speech.

"Wow," Lily began, "It seems like only yesterday we were riding on the train for the first time. Making friends, enemies-"

"Meeting boyfriends and girlfriends-" James cut in.

"Being scared out of our wits with what the sorting might be." A slight laugh went through the crowd.

"And yet here we are. We've finished our seventh years at the greatest school in the wizarding world, and I'm beginning to feel as if I'm loosing a part of myself."

"What will our lives be without these wonderful people who have taught us all we need to know?"

"Dull is the only thing I can think of to describe it." James had become uncharacteristically serious, "Where are we heading? To the war? If so, then which side are we on? Are we going to do nothing? Or become muggles and forget this part of our lives?"

"Whatever we do, it is our path to choose and thanks to these seven wonderful years we are prepared for whatever we choose. Thank you, " Lily turned to face the professors, "Thank you all." The Great hall erupted in applause but all Lily could hear was James telling her how wonderful she was and how great she had written their speech. 

~*~*~*~

"Lily? Are you ok?" Dani's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just remembering a time that seems so long ago."

"Com'n let's go home. You can remember there." Lily found Joey handing her a piece of paper.

"My phone number if you ever feel like calling."

"Thanks, I will." Lily smiled and left the dressing room to buy her clothes and head home to relax.

~*~*~*~

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(A/n Alright… its really short, but I really can't write anymore tonight I'm out of it…. So sorry if its really bad. TTYL.

~Amanda)


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